In Five Minutes You Aren't Going to Belive...

So, I meant to post this a long time ago. But I didn't. Basically after seeing this I have realized that the only director who could possibly pull off making this movie is, obviously, David Lynch himself. Forget Kevin Smith, except as a potential producer. I'm not really sure what the next step for this project needs to be. So, let me know if you have any ideas. I'm going to get to work on a script and then try to get in touch with either the Kids or David Lynch, or maybe Kevin Smith (since he already knows me). I'll let you know what happens.

I'll Fuck Anything That Moves!!

To respond to Mr.Miro's comment on the last post: yes, yes it is. Kevin Smith is certainly the obvious choice if we're going to get a celebrity director involved in this wacky endeavor. In his first film, Clerks, Kevin wrote a line for the infamous Jay which was snagged from Blue Velvet itself. "I'll fuck anything that moves!" screamed the "sonic boom with dirt on it" in his very first scene. Smith obviously has an appreciation for David Lynch and Frank Booth.

Later in the Clerks animated series* Kevin Smith worked with both Kevin McDonald and Mark McKinney on one episode. The episode was meant to serve as a preemptive strike against criticism that the makers assumed the show would recieve. Kevin McDonald is the batman looking guy in this clip and he shows up again later with Mark. Let me take a moment to digress into the awesomeness of the Clerk's cartoon. Basically the climax of the episode in which Jay sues the Quick Stop was probably one of the best things I've ever seen on TV. The requisite fun&safety segments hosted by Jay and Silent Bob at the end of some episodes were a hilarious homage to my favorite G.I. Joe cartoons. The scenes from the episode mentioned above has the Kids as these strange "pinheads" yelling "one of us! one of us!" at Dante. That was also hilarious, but I can't find a clip of it so go buy the DVD already.

Kevin obviously has the connections and understanding to get this film made, not to mention unending talent as a director and writer. The one reason I can see for Kevin to be uninterested in participating in this project: It wasn't his idea and we'd be using a script adapted from someone else's writing. Kev hates that kind of stuff. Maybe he would agree to be a producer. He would probably be willing if we were going to make some real money and merchandise. Every kid is going to want an action figure of their favorite Kids In The Hall actor playing a Blue Velvet character, right?

In an effort to open up a relationship with Kevin through his company's message board I got myself a handle and logged on to start talking with fellow fans of the Askewniverse. Can you believe that Kevin himself responded to my very first post!? (after perusing the pictures, scroll down to find my first post, the ensuing antics, and finally, on the subsequent page, Kevin's response). I'm not sure that I made the sort of impression that would garner his interest in helping me out with a film project, but hey, at least he noticed me. I think I definitely stood out from the usual crowd. That is important for me because he seems to have such personal relationships with the long-time posters on his board, but I don't have time to build a relationship over time. I just call people assholes so they'll notice me and then try to make friends later.

Finally, two more strange-world connections: I found this mashup of Peanuts and Clerks, another commonality between Kev's work and BV. I'd also like to point out that Jason Mewes calls Kevin "Moves" which is kind of interesting in light of the line that entitles this entry.









*A rant: ABC can suck my cock! Literally, though only by association. My brother hooked up with the daughter of the man who was in charge of prime time programming at ABC when the Clerks cartoon got cancelled. We met on a cruise to the Galapagos Islands of all places. The guy's wife was very taken with me, as parents usually are. The daughter later came to visit my brother at our Summer home on Cape Cod. So besides having a "personal" relationship with Kevin Smith, as noted above, I also have a strange connection to ABC, though the guy doesn't work there anymore, and according to an "inside source" his daughter sucked my brother's cock on behalf of ABC. It is a strange world indeed.

**EDIT** Addendum to Rant: Stu Bloomberg was also involved in ABC's decision to not pick up Mulholland Dr, another fine lynch film I was recently introduced to.

Don't You Look At Me!

Well, we have two Kids left, Bruce and Kevin. But the film only has one more major character, the infamous Frank Booth. So, we have to think carefully about who we're going to cast for this role. Frank is arguably the anchor for the whole movie. Without a believably sinister villain to represent the demented under-belly of otherwise picture perfect Lumberton the movie will lose a substantial amount of clout. I've said before that I truly believe that any of the Kids could play any role in the movie. They all have excellent range in their characters on the show, and that's what makes this such a difficult decision. On the one hand we have Bruce McCulloch who has played such loveable characters as the Flying Pig (and his son) or Kathie. Bruce has shown his ability to play a mysogynist as Cabbage Head (though Frank doesn't whine like CB), and certainly flew off the handle a few times as Gordon. Bruce has played soft spoken women and gruff men. He's the shortest Kid, but I've always thought he was built like a wrestler with big shoulders that can give him a level of physical intimidation. On the other hand there's Kevin McDonald who also plays a wide variety of characters, both male and female (and then there's the bearded lady). Though he tends to speak with a high pitched voice his characters often achieve a level of dramatic intensity that I'm not sure Bruce can compete with. I think that when Bruce plays an angry character he often has an understated rage, like Bobby Terrence, or his anger is fairly contained and rational as when he plays Gordon (as rational as you can be while yelling about a salty ham). When Kevin gets mad though his ranting reaches a level of hysteria that just screams, "Baby wants to fuck! Baby wants to fuck blue velvet!" Part of the difficulty of casting Frank is that he swings from quiet intensity to screaming mad. Which brings us back to the decision that has to be made. I've written enough, too much really, but I wanted to illustrate some of the thought that went into this decision. And in the end I'm just going to go with my gut. I think Kevin should play Frank. This will reserve Bruce for playing the Yellow Man, and probably Paul, one of Frank's henchmen. Where his build and intensity will play better. We'll get into that more next week. I look forward to hearing other people's opinions about this decision, as Frank is the centerpiece of the film. I chose Kevin because he seemed right for it and I don't really know any better. I'm not really a director. Speaking of directors, we'll be talking about who should direct this project in a couple weeks, so be thinking about it.

Candy Colored Clown

This week I'm giving thanks that I finally get to cast Ben the effeminate friend of Frank who apparently runs a brothel. Originally played by Dean Stockwell, perhaps best known as Al on Quantum Leap, Ben is a sinister, understated character whose creepy lip-synch rendition of Roy Orbison's "In Dreams" really fuels Frank's fire. So, who shall we cast as the effeminate, cigarrette wielding, proprietor of the brothel who is hard as nails under his shiny jacket? Why Buddy Cole, of course! Maybe it's a cliche, maybe it's a stereotype, maybe I'm not being creative, or maybe sometimes things just fit so perfectly one can't imagine anything better. That's how I feel about this whole project. Same initial, similar characters, the mind boggles.

You're a Neat Girl...

Scott

















is going















to play Sandy.

Blue Velvet/Peanuts Mashups

Want to go for a ride, neighbor?

Here're some mashup videos which dub lines or scenes from Blue Velvet into Peanuts cartoons. This one has Snoopy doing a montage of Frank's lines. Here's one where Linus does Frank and Charlie Brown is Jeffrey. Frank The Magic Dragon might be the best mashup I've seen with BV. Here's a new one. The guy who did Roblue cop, Fluxfuture2, has some other good mashups. I especially like the ones involving the my little ponies: My Little Lebowski, Reservoir Ponies, and My Little Sling Blade. If you like those a lot, you should waste time on YouTube like me by watching his other mashup videos. The first videos with the Peanuts gang reminded me that the Kids in the Hall were dressed up and dancing like the Peanuts in the fifth episode of their show in the sketch where Bruce wishes Elvis could be his landlord. The connections never end.

**I had to edit the links in here because of the YouTube crack down on copyright protected material. The RoboCop video has disappeared, perhaps never to return.**

She Wore Blue Velvet....

Since the last post had our leading man and the original leading lady, I thought I'd continue the project with Dorothy Vallens. It was the scene where Jeffrey is watching Dorothy sing when my girlfriend pointed out that she looked like my favorite Kid in the Hall, Dave Foley. Maybe it was his work playing half of the lounge singing sister act Sizzler and Sizzler that struck a chorde with her. Hmm...after watching that clip, maybe not. I think it was more likely Dave's portrayal of the boss, Elizabeth, in the sketches involving Kathy (with a K) and Cathy (with a C, duh). I couldn't find a picture or video of that character, but this might give you an idea of what I'm talking about. It seems to me that Dave could play Dorothy in a pretty 'straight' way. I imagine her being a sort of dramatic center piece to an otherwise absurd and humorous film. Until next time, stretch your imagination by picturing Mark and Dave in this scene.